二十九 先生
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AI-translated. May contain errors. For accurate text, refer to the original English.
中文
二十九[6]*
（译自孟加拉语）
加济布尔
1890年3月31日
尊敬的先生：
过去几天我一直不在这里，今天又要离开。我已请师兄甘加达尔来这里；如果他来了，我们一起去您那里。由于一些特殊原因，我将继续秘密地住在离此地有一段距离的一个村庄里，那里没有写信的便利，因此我一直无法回复您的来信。师兄甘加达尔很可能会来，否则我信件的回复应该已经收到了。师兄阿贝达南达住在瓦拉纳西的普里亚医生家里。我的另一位师兄曾与我在一起，但已经去了阿贝达南达那里。他到达的消息尚未收到，而他身体不好，我很为他担心。我对他非常残忍——也就是说，我逼迫他离开了我的身边。没有办法，你看；我是如此心软，如此被爱的纷扰所支配！请祝福我能够变得坚强。关于我内心的状况，我该对您说什么呢！噢，那里仿佛地狱之火日夜燃烧！我什么也做不成！这一生似乎白白虚度了；我感到完全无助，不知该怎么办！巴巴吉说着甜言蜜语，不让我离开。唉，我该说什么呢？我对您犯下了无数的过错——请宽恕这些，这不过是一个被精神痛苦逼疯的人的胡作非为。阿贝达南达正在患痢疾。如蒙您关切地询问他的情况，并在他想与从这里去的师兄一起回我们的道场时送他前去，我将不胜感激。我的师兄弟们一定觉得我非常残忍和自私。噢，我能怎么办？谁能看透我的内心深处？谁能知道我日夜承受着多少痛苦？请祝福我能有最坚定的耐心和毅力。
致以无数的问候，
此致，
辨喜
附言：阿贝达南达住在索纳尔普拉的普里亚医生家里。我的腰痛如旧。
辨喜
English
XXIX[6]*
(Translated from Bengali)
GHAZIPUR,
31st March, 1890.
DEAR SIR,
I haven't been here for the last few days and am again going away today. I have asked brother Gangadhar to come here; and if he comes, we go over to you together. For some special reasons, I shall continue to stay in secret in a village some distance from this place, and there's no facility for writing any letter from that place, owing to which I could not reply to your letter so long. Brother Gangadhar is very likely to come, otherwise the reply to my note would have reached me. Brother Abhedananda is putting up with Doctor Priya at Varanasi. Another brother of mine had been with me, but has left for Abhedananda's place. The news of his arrival has not yet been received, and, his health being bad, I am rather anxious for his sake. I have behaved very cruelly towards him — that is, I have harassed him much to make him leave my company. There's no help, you see; I am so very weak-hearted, so much overmastered by the distractions of love! Bless me that I may harden. What shall I say to you about the condition of my mind! Oh, it is as if the hell-fire is burning there day and night! Nothing, nothing could I do yet! And this life seems muddled away in vain; I feel quite helpless as to what to do! The Babaji throws out honeyed words and keeps me from leaving. Ah, what shall I say? I am committing hundreds of offenses against you — please excuse them as so many misdoings of a man driven mad with mental agonies. Abhedananda is suffering from dysentery. I shall be very much obliged if you will kindly inquire about his condition and send him down to our Math in case he wants to go there with our brother who has come from here. My Gurubhais must be thinking me very cruel and selfish. Oh, what can I do? Who will see deep down into my mind? Who will know how much I am suffering day and night? Bless me that I may have the most unflinching patience and perseverance.
With countless greetings,
Yours etc.,
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. Abhedananda is staying in Doctor Priya's house at Sonarpura. My lumbago is as before.
VIVEKANANDA.
文本来自Wikisource公共领域。原版由阿德瓦伊塔修道院出版。