二十一 亲爱的——
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中文
二十一
致一位马德拉斯弟子
迪尔伯恩大道541号，
芝加哥，
1894年6月28日。
亲爱的——，
前几天我收到了迈索尔G·G的来信。G·G不幸地以为我是全知的，否则他就会把信头上的坎纳达语地址写得更清楚些。此外，把信寄到芝加哥以外的任何地方都是大错特错。这当然首先是我的失误，因为我本应想到我们朋友们出色的"菩提"（智慧），他们看到信头上有什么地址就往哪儿寄信。但请告诉我们马德拉斯的"布里哈斯帕提"们（即聪明人），他们早就心知肚明，在他们的信寄到之前，我可能已经离开那个地方一千英里了，因为我一直在旅行。在芝加哥有一位朋友，他的家就是我的总部。
至于我在这里的前景——几近于零。为什么呢？因为虽然我怀有最好的初衷，却被以下这些原因化为乌有。我所能得到的关于印度的消息全部来自马德拉斯的来信。你们的信一次又一次地告诉我，我在印度如何受到赞誉。但那只是你我之间的事，因为除了阿拉辛加寄给我的那三平方英寸的剪报之外，我从未见过一份印度报纸提及我。另一方面，基督徒在印度的一切言论都被传教士们精心搜集并定期发表，他们挨家挨户地让我的朋友们抛弃我。他们取得了巨大的成功，因为印度没有一个人为我说过一句话。印度的印度教报纸可能把我捧上天，但那些赞词没有一个字传到美国来，以至于这个国家的许多人认为我是个骗子。面对传教士们的攻击，加上在这里的印度教徒的嫉妒为他们撑腰，我无话可说。
我现在觉得，当初仅凭马德拉斯那些年轻人的催促就去参加宗教议会，实在是愚蠢之举。他们毕竟只是孩子。当然，我永远感激他们，但他们毕竟是满腔热忱却缺乏执行能力的年轻人。我来到这里没有任何证明文件。在传教士和梵社的夹击之下，我如何证明自己不是骗子？本来我以为没什么比花几句话更容易的事了；我以为没什么比在马德拉斯和加尔各答召集一些有声望的人开个会、通过一项决议感谢我和美国人民对我的善待、然后通过该集会的秘书正式发送到美国更容易的了——比如寄一份给巴罗斯博士并请他在报纸上刊登，如此类推，分寄给波士顿、纽约和芝加哥的各家报社。然而最终我发现，这对印度来说竟是一项太过艰巨的任务。一年来没有一个声音为我说话，所有人都反对我，因为无论你们在家里如何谈论我，这里谁又知道呢？两个多月前我给阿拉辛加写了信。他连我的信都没回。恐怕他的热情已经冷淡了。所以你们必须先考虑这件事，然后酌情把这封信给马德拉斯的人看。另一方面，我的同仁们愚蠢地谈论凯沙布·森的胡话；而马德拉斯人把我写的关于神智学会的任何东西都告诉给那些人，只是在树敌……啊！要是我在印度能有一个真正有能力、有头脑的人支持我就好了！但一切都依照祂的旨意。我在这个国家成了一个骗子。当初没带任何证明文件就去参加宗教议会，寄望于会有很多人支持我，那是我的愚蠢。我必须慢慢地把事情做出来。
总的来说，美国人比印度教徒高尚百万倍，我在这里能做的善事远多于在那个忘恩负义、冷酷无情者的国度。毕竟，我必须承受自己的业。就经济状况而言，我很好，将来也会很好。根据最近的统计，全美国的神智学会会员总共只有六百二十五人。与他们混在一起只会在顷刻间毁了我，而非对我有任何帮助。阿拉辛加让我去伦敦见奥尔德先生等人是什么荒唐主意。蠢货！那些年轻人根本不知道自己在说什么。而这群马德拉斯的小孩子连一点秘密都守不住！整天说废话，一到最起码的正事上，他们就无影无踪了！连五十人的小聚会都组织不了、只需说几句空话就能帮到我的蠢材们，却大谈影响世界。我已经写信告诉你们留声机的事了。这里有一种电风扇，售价二十美元，运转极佳。电池可工作一百小时，然后在任何电力工厂都可以充电。再见吧，印度教徒们，我受够了。现在一切依照祂的旨意，我服从并向我的业低头。不过，不要以为我忘恩负义……马德拉斯的人们为我所做的已经超出了我应得的，也超出了他们的能力。是我的愚蠢——一时忘记了我们印度教徒还没有真正成为人类，一时放弃了自力更生而依赖印度教徒——才使我陷入困境。我每时每刻都在期待印度来的消息。不，它从未到来。尤其是最近两个月，我每时每刻都在煎熬中。不，连一份印度报纸都没有！我的朋友们等了一个月又一个月；什么都没来，没有一个声音。许多人因此冷淡了，最终放弃了我。但这是依赖人、依赖禽兽的惩罚，因为我们的同胞还算不上真正的人。他们随时准备接受赞美，但轮到他们哪怕说一句话的时候，却无影无踪。
我永远感谢马德拉斯的年轻人们。愿主永远祝福他们。美国是推进我理想的最佳天地；因此我不打算很快离开美国。为什么呢？在这里我有吃有喝有衣穿，每个人都那么友善，而这一切只需几句善言！为什么我要放弃这个高尚的国家，去那片由禽兽、忘恩负义者和无脑蠢材组成的土地，那里的人被迷信的、无慈悲的、冷酷的恶人永远奴役着？再次道别。你可以酌情把这封信给人们看，包括阿拉辛加——我曾对他寄予厚望。顺便，能否请你寄几份马祖姆达尔所写的罗摩克里希纳至尊生平简介到芝加哥来？加尔各答那边有很多。别忘了地址是迪尔伯恩大道（不是迪尔伯恩街）541号，芝加哥，或转交托马斯·库克公司，芝加哥。其他任何地址都会造成很大的延误和混乱，因为我一直在旅行，芝加哥是我的总部，尽管我们马德拉斯的朋友们连这点都想不到。请代我向G·G、阿拉辛加、秘书及所有人致以永恒的祝福。我一直在为他们的幸福祈祷，我对他们丝毫没有不满，但我对自己不满。我犯了一个可怕的错误——在我的一生中第一次指望他人的帮助——我已经为此付出了代价。那是我的过错，不是他们的。愿主祝福马德拉斯的所有人。他们至少远远胜过孟加拉人，后者简直就是傻瓜，毫无灵魂，毫无毅力。再见，再见。我已将我的小舟投入波浪之中，听天由命。至于我严厉的批评，我实在没有资格这样说。你们为我所做的已经远远超出了我应得的。我必须承受自己的业，而且毫无怨言。愿主祝福你们所有人。
此致敬礼，
辨喜
附言：恐怕阿拉辛加的学院已经关闭了，但我没有收到任何通知，他也从未给过我他的家庭住址。恐怕基迪也已退出了。
辨喜
English
XXI
To a Madras disciple
541 DEARBORN AVE.,
CHICAGO,
28 June, 1894.
DEAR__ ,
The other day I received a letter from G. G., Mysore. G. G. unfortunately thinks that I am all-knowing, else he would have written his Canarese address on the top of the letter more legibly. Then again it is a great mistake to address me letters to any other place but Chicago. It was my mistake of course at first, because I ought to have thought of the fine Buddhi (intellect) of our friends who are throwing letters at me anywhere they find an address at the top. But tell our Madras Brihaspatis (i.e. wise fellows) that they already knew full well that before their letters reach, I may be 1000 miles away from that particular place, for I am continuously travelling. In Chicago there is a friend whose house is my headquarters.
Now as to my prospects here — it is well-nigh zero. Why, because although I had the best purpose, it has been made null and void by these causes. All that I get about India is from Madras letters. Your letters say again and again how I am being praised in India. But that is between you and me, for I never saw a single Indian paper writing about me, except the three square inches sent to me by Alasinga. On the other hand, everything that is said by Christians in India is sedulously gathered by the missionaries and regularly published, and they go from door to door to make my friends give me up. They have succeeded only too well, for there is not one word for me from India. Indian Hindu papers may laud me to the skies, but not a word of that ever came to America, so that many people in this country think me a fraud. In the face of the missionaries and with the jealousy of the Hindus here to back them, I have not a word to say.
I now think it was foolish of me to go to the Parliament on the strength of the urging of the Madras boys. They are boys after all. Of course, I am eternally obliged to them, but they are after all enthusiastic young men without any executive abilities. I came here without credentials. How else to show that I am not a fraud in the face of the missionaries and the Brahmo Samaj? Now I thought nothing so easy as to spend a few words; I thought nothing would be so easy as to hold a meeting of some respectable persons in Madras and Calcutta and pass a resolution thanking me and the American people for being kind to me and sending it over officially, i.e. through the Secretary of the function, to America, for instance, sending one to Dr. Barrows and asking him to publish it in the papers and so on, to different papers of Boston, New York, and Chicago. Now after all, I found that it is too terrible a task for India to undertake. There has not been one voice for me in one year and every one against me, for whatever you may say of me in your homes, who knows anything of it here? More than two months ago I wrote to Alasinga about this. He did not even answer my letter. I am afraid his heart has grown lukewarm. So you must first think of that and then show this letter to the Madras people. On the other hand, my brethren foolishly talk nonsense about Keshab Sen; and the Madrasis, telling the Theosophists anything I write about them, are creating only enemies. . . . Oh! If only I had one man of some true abilities and brains to back me in India! But His will be done. I stand a fraud in this country. It was my foolishness to go to the Parliament without any credentials, hoping that there would be many for me. I have got to work it out slowly.
On the whole, the Americans are a million times nobler than the Hindus, and I can work more good here than in the country of the ingrate and the heartless. After all, I must work my Karma out. So far as pecuniary circumstances go I am all right and will be all right. The number of Theosophists in all America is only 625 by the last census. Mixing up with them will smash me in a minute rather than help me in any way. What nonsense does Alasinga mean by my going to London to see Mr. Old etc. Fool! the boys there don't know what they are talking. And this pack of Madras babies cannot even keep a counsel in their blessed noodles! Talk nonsense all day, and when it comes to the least business, they are nowhere! Boobies, who cannot get up a few meetings of 50 men each and send up a few empty words only to help me, talk big about influencing the world. I have written to you about the phonograph. Now there is here an electric fan costing $20 and working beautifully. The battery works 100 hours and then can be replenished at any electric plant. Good-bye, I have had enough of the Hindus. Now His will be done, I obey and bow down to my Karma. However, do not think me ungrateful. . . . The Madras people have done for me more than I deserved and more than was in their power. It was my foolishness — the forgetting for a moment that we Hindus have not yet become human beings and giving up for a moment my self-reliance and relying upon the Hindus — that I came to grief. Every moment I expected something from India. No, it never came. Last two months especially I was in torture at every moment. No, not even a newspaper from India! My friends waited — waited month after month; nothing came, not a voice. Many consequently grew cold and at last gave me up. But it is the punishment for relying upon man and upon brutes, for our countrymen are not men as yet. They are ready to be praised, but when their turn comes even to say a word, they are nowhere.
My thanks eternal to the Madras young men. May the Lord bless them for ever. America is the best field in the world to carry on my idea; so I do not think of leaving America soon. And why? Here I have food and drink and clothes, and everybody so kind, and all this for a few good words! Why should I give up such a noble nation to go to the land of brutes and ingrates and the brainless boobies held in eternal thraldom of superstitious, merciless, pitiless wretches? So good-bye again. You may show this letter to the people with discretion, even Alasinga upon whom I built so much. By the by, will you kindly send up a few copies of the sketch of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa's life written by Mazumdar to Chicago? They have lots in Calcutta. Don't forget the address 541 Dearborn Avenue (not Street), Chicago, or c/o Thomas Cook, Chicago. Any other address would cause much delay and confusion, as I am continually travelling, and Chicago is my headquarters, although even this much did not come to the brains of our Madras friends. Kindly give G. G., Alasinga, Secretary, and all others my eternal blessings. I am always praying for their welfare, and I am not in the least displeased with them, but I am not pleased with myself. I committed a terrible error — of calculating upon others' help — once in my life — and I have paid for it. It was my fault and not theirs. Lord bless all the Madras people. They are at least far superior to the Bengalis, who are simply fools and have no souls, no stamina at all. Good-bye, good-bye. I have launched my boat in the waves, come what may. Regarding my brutal criticisms, I have really no right to make them. You have done for me infinitely more than I deserve. I must bear my own Karma, and that without a murmur. Lord bless you all.
Yours truly,
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. I am afraid Alasinga's college has closed, but I have no intimation of it, and he never gave me his home address. Kidi has dropped out, I am afraid.
V.
文本来自Wikisource公共领域。原版由阿德瓦伊塔修道院出版。