九 阿迪亚帕克吉
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中文
九
塞勒姆,
1893年9月4日,星期六。
亲爱的阿达雅帕克吉(约翰·亨利·赖特教授):
我急于向您致以衷心的谢忱,感谢您所写的介绍信函。我已收到芝加哥泰利斯先生的来信,信中告知了部分代表团成员的姓名及宗教议会的相关事宜。
您那位梵文教授在致桑伯恩小姐的便函中将我误认为普鲁肖塔马·乔希,并提到波士顿有一座梵文图书馆,其珍藏之丰富在印度也难觅其匹。我非常期望能够前往参观。
桑伯恩先生已来信邀我于周一赴萨拉托加,我将如约前往。届时我将入住一家名为"疗养院"的寄宿所。若在此期间有来自芝加哥的消息,恳请您惠将其转寄至萨拉托加疗养院。
您与您高贵的夫人及可爱的孩子们,已在我心中留下了难以磨灭的印记,与您们同住之时,我觉得自己与天堂是如此接近。愿赐予一切恩赐的主,将祂最珍贵的祝福倾注于您的头顶。
此处有数行拙诗,权作诗作之尝试,望您以厚爱宽宥这番冒昧。
永远是您的朋友,
辨喜。
越山岗,穿谷地,跨山岭,
在神庙,在教堂,在清真寺,
在吠陀,在圣经,在古兰经,
我徒劳地寻觅祢的踪迹。
如孩童迷失于莽莽丛林,
我独自哭喊,声声呼唤:
"吾神,吾爱,祢去往何方?"
回声应答:"已去。"
岁月流逝,日夜更迭——
脑中燃着一团烈火;
不知昼夜如何交替,
心已裂成两半。
我躺卧于恒河岸边,
暴露于日晒雨淋之中;
以炽热的泪水濡湿尘埃,
伴随流水的轰鸣而哀哭。
我呼唤一切圣名,
来自各方土地与信仰:
"慈悲为怀,请为我指路,
你们这些已抵达彼岸的伟大者。"
年岁在苦苦呼喊中消逝,
每一刻都漫长如一世,
直至某日,在我的哭号与呻吟之中,
仿佛有人在呼唤我。
那是一个轻柔、温和、抚慰人心的声音,
说着"吾子","吾子",
那声音仿佛与我灵魂的一切琴弦,
齐鸣共振。
我站起身来,试图寻找
那声音所从来之处;
我四处搜寻,转身张望,
前后左右,无处不察。
再度,再度,那声音似乎响起——
那神圣的声音向我而来。
我的灵魂在狂喜中静默,
沉醉,痴迷,浸于极乐。
一道闪光照亮了我的全部灵魂;
心之深处豁然洞开。
哦,喜悦,哦,极乐,我发现了什么!
吾爱,吾爱,祢在这里,
祢就在这里,吾爱,吾之一切!
而我竟一直在寻觅祢!
从亘古以来,祢便端坐于那里,
威严地临于宝座之上!
自那日起,无论我漂泊何处,
我都感受到祂伴随左右,
越山岗,穿谷地,翻高山,涉幽谷,
在远方,在高处。
皎洁的月光,璀璨的繁星,
辉煌的太阳之轮,
祂在其中闪耀;祂的美与力——
皆是祂反射的光辉。
雄浑的清晨,柔美的黄昏,
无垠的波涛汹涌的大海,
自然之美中,鸟儿的歌声中,
我透过它们看见——那便是祂。
当可怕的灾难向我袭来,
心似乎已软弱无力,
万物自然似乎将我重压,
以其永不弯折的法则。
我仿佛听见祢在轻声低语,
吾爱——"我在近旁","我在近旁"。
我的心变得强健。有祢,吾爱,
千死亦无所惧。
祢透过母亲的摇篮曲说话,
那歌声合上婴儿的眼眸;
当天真的孩童欢笑嬉戏,
我见祢伫立其旁。
当神圣的友谊相握之时,
祂亦立于其间;
祂将甘露倾注于母亲的吻,
以及婴儿甜蜜的"妈妈"。
祢曾是古代先知的神明;
一切信仰皆源于祢;
吠陀、圣经与古兰经,
皆以和谐之音歌颂祢。
"祢是","祢是"——生命奔涌之流中,
诸灵之灵魂。
"唵,那即真实,唵。"("那即真实"意指唯一真实的存在。——辨喜注)
祢是我的神。
吾爱,我属于祢,我属于祢。
English
IX
SALEM,
Saturday, 4th Sept., 1893.
DEAR ADHYAPAKJI (Prof. John Henry Wright),
I hasten to tender my heartfelt gratitude to you for your letters of introduction. I have received a letter from Mr. Theles of Chicago giving me the names of some of the delegates and other things about the Congress.
Your professor of Sanskrit in his note to Miss Sanborn mistakes me for Purushottama Joshi and states that there is a Sanskrit library in Boston the like of which can scarcely be met with in India. I would be so happy to see it.
Mr. Sanborn has written to me to come over to Saratoga on Monday and I am going accordingly. I would stop then at a boarding house called Sanatorium. If any news come from Chicago in the meanwhile I hope you will kindly send it over to the Sanatorium, Saratoga.
You and your noble wife and sweet children have made an impression in my brain which is simply indelible, and I thought myself so much nearer to heaven when living with you. May He, the giver of all gifts, shower on your head His choicest blessings.
Here are a few lines written as an attempt at poetry. Hoping your love will pardon this infliction.
Ever your friend,
VIVEKANANDA.
O'er hill and dale and mountain range,
In temple, church, and mosque,
In Vedas, Bible, Al Koran
I had searched for Thee in vain.
Like a child in the wildest forest lost
I have cried and cried alone,
"Where art Thou gone, my God, my love?"
The echo answered, "gone."
And days and nights and years then passed —
A fire was in the brain;
I knew not when day changed in night,
The heart seemed rent in twain.
I laid me down on Gangâ's shore,
Exposed to sun and rain;
With burning tears I laid the dust
And wailed with waters' roar.
I called on all the holy names
Of every clime and creed,
"Show me the way, in mercy, ye
Great ones who have reached the goal".
Years then passed in bitter cry,
Each moment seemed an age,
Till one day midst my cries and groans
Some one seemed calling me.
A gentle soft and soothing voice
That said "my son", "my son",
That seemed to thrill in unison
With all the chords of my soul.
I stood on my feet and tried to find
The place the voice came from;
I searched and searched and turned to see
Round me, before, behind.
Again, again it seemed to speak —
The voice divine to me.
In rapture all my soul was hushed,
Entranced, enthralled in bliss.
A flash illumined all my soul;
The heart of my heart opened wide.
O joy, O bliss, what do I find!
My love, my love, you are here,
And you are here, my love, my all!
And I was searching thee!
From all eternity you were there
Enthroned in majesty!
From that day forth, where'er I roam,
I feel Him standing by
O'er hill and dale, high mount and vale,
Far far away and high.
The moon's soft light, the stars so bright,
The glorious orb of day,
He shines in them; His beauty — might —
Reflected lights are they.
The majestic morn, the melting eve,
The boundless billowy sea,
In nature's beauty, songs of birds,
I see through them — it is He.
When dire calamity seizes me,
The heart seems weak and faint,
All nature seems to crush me down,
With laws that never bend.
Meseems I hear Thee whispering sweet
My love, "I am near", "I am near".
My heart gets strong. With Thee, my love,
A thousand deaths no fear.
Thou speakest in the mother's lay
That shuts the baby's eye;
When innocent children laugh and play
I see Thee standing by.
When holy friendship shakes the hand,
He stands between them too;
He pours the nectar in mother's kiss
And the baby's sweet "mama".
Thou wert my God with prophets old;
All creeds do come from Thee;
The Vedas, Bible, and Koran bold
Sing Thee in harmony.
"Thou art", "Thou art" the Soul of souls
In the rushing stream of life.
"Om tat Sat om." (Tat Sat means that only real existence. [Swamiji's note].) Thou art my God.
My love, I am thine, I am thine.
文本来自Wikisource公共领域。原版由阿德瓦伊塔修道院出版。