二十五 先生
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中文
二十五[6]*
（译自孟加拉语）
神必胜利！
加济布尔
1890年3月3日
尊敬的先生：
您的来信刚刚收到。先生，您有所不知，尽管我持有严格的吠檀多观点，我其实是一个非常心软的人。而这恰恰成了我的致命弱点。稍有触动，我便无法自持；因为无论我怎样努力只想着自己的利益，我都会不由自主地转而去想他人的利益。这次我是带着极其坚定的决心出发去追求自己的修行的，但一听到一位师兄在阿拉哈巴德生病的消息，我就不得不赶去了！而现在又收到了来自赫里希凯什的消息，我的心又飞到了那里。我已给沙拉特发了电报，但还没有收到回复——这地方连电报都要拖延这么久！腰痛顽固地不肯离开我，疼痛剧烈。最近几天我无法去拜访帕瓦里吉，但出于他的慈悲，他每天都派人来问我的情况。但现在我发现整件事的情形完全颠倒了！我自己作为一个乞者来到他的门前，他却反过来想要向我学习！这位圣人也许还未臻圆满——过多的仪轨、誓愿、戒律，以及过多的自我隐藏。我确信，大海满溢时不可能被堤岸所容纳。所以，我已决定不要再白白打扰这位修行者了，很快我将向他告辞离去。没有办法，你看；天命注定了我的死穴，让我如此柔软！巴巴吉不让我走，嘎干巴布（您大概认识他——一个正直、虔诚、慈悲的人）也不让我走。如果回电要求我离开此地，我就走；如果不是，我将在几天内去瓦拉纳西找您。我不会放过您的——我一定要带您去赫里希凯什——不接受任何借口或反对。您说那里保持清洁有困难是什么意思？山上缺水还是缺住处！末法时代的圣地和游方僧——您知道是什么样的。花些钱，庙宇的主人会把供奉的神像都扔掉来给您腾地方；所以不必为落脚之处担忧！我说那里没有什么困难要面对；我相信那里的夏天已经开始了，虽然不像瓦拉纳西那么酷热——这样更好。那里的夜晚总是很凉爽，因此几乎可以保证睡个好觉。
您为什么这样害怕？我保证您会平安回家，而且不会遇到任何麻烦。根据我的经验，在这英国统治之下，无论是游方僧还是居士，都不会遇到什么麻烦。
难道我觉得我们之间有某种前世的因缘，这只是我的空想吗？只看您的一封信就能扫除我所有的决心，我便放下一切事务，转身向瓦拉纳西走去！……
我又给师兄甘加达尔写了信，这次请他回到道场。如果他来了，他会见到您。瓦拉纳西现在的气候怎样？我在这里的停留已经治好了疟疾的其他一切症状，只有腰痛让我发狂；日日夜夜都在疼，折磨得我很厉害。我不知道该怎样爬山。我发现巴巴吉有着惊人的忍耐力，因此我一直在向他求教；但他毫无传授的意愿，只是一味地接受！所以我也要飞走了。
此致，
辨喜
附言：我不再去拜访任何大人物了——
"留在心中吧，我的心，不要再去敲别人的门；你所寻求的，安坐自在即可得到，只需在内心深处寻找。那里有至上的宝藏、点金石，他能给予你所求的一切；因为无数宝石，噢，我的心，就散落在他住所的门前。他是如意宝珠，只需一念便能赐福。"诗人迦摩罗刊陀如是说。
如今最终的结论是：罗摩克里希纳无人能及；在这世界上没有其他地方存在那种前所未有的圆满，那种不需要为自己辩护的对一切众生的奇妙慈悲，那种对处于束缚中的人类的深切悲悯。他要么就是他自己常说的化身（Avatara），要么就是吠檀多所说的那种为了人类的福祉而示现色身的永恒圆满的神圣之人——自由之人。这是我确定无疑的信念；而崇拜这样一位神圣之人，帕坦伽利在他的经典格言中已有提及："或者，目标可以通过冥想一位圣者来达成。"（帕坦伽利的格言原文用的是"自在天"而非"圣者"。那拉达有一条格言如此说：虔信（至上的爱）主要通过圣者的恩典，或少许神恩而可得。）
在他一生中，他从未拒绝过我的任何一个祈求；他宽恕了我无数的过犯；如此深厚的爱，即使我的父母也不曾给予过我。这一切没有丝毫的诗意夸张。这是纯粹的事实，他的每一位弟子都知道这一点。在巨大的危难、巨大的诱惑中，我在极度痛苦中哭泣着祈祷："噢，上帝，请救救我。"但没有从任何地方得到回应；然而这位奇妙的圣者，或化身，或无论他是什么，通过他洞察人心的能力得知了我所有的苦难，并将之化解——尽管我本人并不愿意——在把我带到他面前之后。如果灵魂是不死的，因此如果他仍然活着，我一次又一次地向他祈祷："噢，薄伽梵罗摩克里希纳，您这无限的慈悲之海，我唯一的皈依处，请慈悲地满足我这位受人敬重的朋友的心愿，他在各方面都是一个伟大的人。"愿他赐予您一切善好——他是我在这个世界上唯一发现的如同无条件慈悲之海一般的人！寂静，寂静，寂静。
请速速回信。
此致，
辨喜
English
XXV[6]*
(Translated from Bengali)
Victory to the Lord!
GHAZIPUR,
3rd March, 1890.
DEAR SIR,
Your kind letter comes to hand just now. You know not, sir, I am a very soft-natured man in spite of the stern Vedantic views I hold. And this proves to be my undoing. At the slightest touch I give myself away; for howsoever I may try to think only of my own good, I slip off in spite of myself to think of other peoples' interests. This time it was with a very stern resolve that I set out to pursue my own good, but I had to run off at the news of the illness of a brother at Allahabad! And now comes this news from Hrishikesh, and my mind has run off with me there. I have wired to Sharat, hut no reply yet — a nice place indeed to delay even telegrams so much! The lumbago obstinately refuses to leave me, and the pain is very great. For the last few days I haven't been able to go to see Pavhariji, but out of his kindness he sends every day for my report. But now I see the whole matter is inverted in its bearings! While I myself have come, a beggar, at his door, he turns round and wants to learn of me! This saint perhaps is not yet perfected — too much of rites, vows, observances, and too much of self-concealment. The ocean in its fullness cannot be contained within its shores, I am sure. So it is not good, I have decided not to disturb this Sâdhu (holy man) for nothing, and very soon I shall ask leave of him to go. No help, you see; Providence has dealt me my death to make me so tender! Babaji does not let me off, and Gagan Babu (whom probably you know — an upright, pious, and kindhearted man) does not let me off. If the wire in reply requires my leaving this place, I go; if not, I am coming to you at Varanasi in a few days. I am not going to let you off — I must take you to Hrishikesh — no excuse or objections will do. What are you saying about difficulties there of keeping clean? Lack of water in the hills or lack of room!! Tirthas (places of pilgrimage) and Sannyasins of the Kali-Yuga — you know what they are. Spend money and the owners of temples will fling away the installed god to make room for you; so no anxiety about a resting-place! No trouble to face there, I say; the summer heat has set in there now, I believe, though not that degree of it as you find at Varanasi — so much the better. Always the nights are quite cool there, from which good sleep is almost a certainty.
Why do you get frightened so much? I stand guarantee that you shall return home safe and that you shall have no trouble anywhere. It is my experience that in this British realm no fakir or householder gets into any trouble.
Is it a mere idle fancy of mine that between us there some connection from previous birth? Just see how one letter from you sweeps away all my resolution and, I bend my steps towards Varanasi leaving all matters behind! . . .
I have written again to brother Gangadhar and have asked him this time to return to the Math. If he comes, he will meet you. How is the climate at Varanasi now? By my stay here I have been cured of all other symptoms of malaria, only the pain in the loins makes me frantic; day and night it is aching and chafes me very much. I know not how I shall climb up the hills. I find wonderful endurance in Babaji, and that's why I am begging something of him; but no inkling of the mood to give, only receiving and receiving! So I also fly off.
Yours etc.,
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. To no big person am I going any longer —
"Remain, O mind, within yourself, go not to anybody else's door; whatever you seek, you shall obtain sitting at your ease, only seek for it in the privacy of your heart. There is the supreme Treasure, the philosophers' stone and He can give whatever you ask for; for countless gems, O mind, lie strewn about the portals of His abode. He is the wishing-stone that confers boons at the mere thought." Thus says the poet Kamalâkânta.
So now the great conclusion is that Ramakrishna has no peer; nowhere else in this world exists that unprecedented perfection, that wonderful kindness for all that does not stop to justify itself, that intense sympathy for man in bondage. Either he must be the Avatâra as he himself used to say, or else the ever-perfected divine man whom the Vedanta speaks of as the free one who assumes a body for the good of humanity. This is my conviction sure and certain; and the worship of such a divine man has been referred to by Patanjali in the aphorism: "Or the goal may be attained by meditating on a saint." (Patanjali's aphorism has "Ishvara" in place of "saint". Nârada has an aphorism which runs thus : Bhakti (Supreme Love) is attainable chiefly through the grace of a saint, or by a bit of Divine Grace.)
Never during his life did he refuse a single prayer of mine; millions of offences has he forgiven me; such great love even my parents never had for me. There is no poetry, no exaggeration in all this. It is the bare truth and every disciple of his knows it. In times of great danger, great temptation, I wept in extreme agony with the prayer, "O God, do save me," but no response came from anybody; but this wonderful saint, or Avatara, or anything else he may be, came to know of all my affliction through his powers of insight into human hearts and lifted it off — in spite of my desire to the contrary — after getting me brought to his presence. If the soul be deathless, and so, if he still lives, I pray to trim again and again: "O Bhagavan Ramakrishna, thou infinite ocean of mercy and my only refuge, do graciously fulfil the desires of my esteemed friend, who is every inch a great man." May he impart to you all good, he whom alone I have found in this world to be like an ocean of unconditioned mercy! Shântih, Shântih, Shântih.
Please send a prompt reply.
Yours etc.,
VIVEKANANDA.
文本来自Wikisource公共领域。原版由阿德瓦伊塔修道院出版。